Five Steps for Writing Your Vows
For many couples, exchanging vows is one of the most important parts of their wedding. In this special moment, you and your partner will share promises that set the foundations for your future together.
Some couples choose traditional vows, inspired by their culture or religion; while others prefer to compose personalised words, capturing their unique love and commitment.
Crafting your personalised vows can feel overwhelming. You want to include sentiments that relief your relationship, hopes, and dreams, but where do you start?
Discuss Expectations
Discussing vow expectations with your partner is crucial for creating a meaningful and harmonious ceremony. This conversation should set the tone, length, and content of your vows. A good length is one to two minutes. If you find you have more to say, consider writing a letter and giving it to your partner the night before, or on your wedding night
Important questions to ask each other are
Will you share inside jokes?
Will you incorporate traditional or religious elements?
Will you include the legal words here?
Will you share specific promises?
Brain dump your ideas
Before writing your marriage vows, it is important to reflect on the commitment you’re about to make. I usually recommend starting by writing down anything you can think of, as this will allow your feelings to flow freely, without the pressure of nailing things straight away.
If you’re stuck, some good questions to ask yourself are
What does marriage mean to me?
What do I love about my partner?
When did I realise I was in love?
Why did we decide to get married?
What do I miss when I am not around my partner?
What hard times have we gone through together?
What challenges do I envision for our future?
What do we want to accomplish together?
What makes our relationship tick?
What did I think when I first saw my partner?
What do I respect most about my partner?
How has my life gotten better since meeting my partner?
What about my partner inspires me?
What qualities do I admire most about my partner?
What promises am I willing to make?
How do I envision our future together?
What are my hopes and dreams for our marriage?
How do I want my partner to feel when they hear my vows?
What promises will resonate most with my partner?
How do I want to remember this moment?
Don’t be afraid to seek inspiration from poems, songs, movies, TV shows, books and pinterest. These places are filled with eloquent words and expressions that capture the experience of being in love.
Structuring your vows
Structuring your vows can help ensure they are heartfelt, clear, and memorable. Don’t worry about being cheesy. Your partner, and the guests, want to hear that the vows are real.
It is important to consider your partners personality. If they appreciate humour, you can include some light hearted moments. If they value sincerity, focus on heartfelt sentiments.
Start with a statement that describes who this person is to you.. Focus on things that really stand out to you, and what you love about them.
Tell a personal story that makes your promises more meaningful. Include something memorable that is important to you both. Don’t be afraid to include the lows.
Make real promises (both broad and specific).
Say ‘I love you’ - It is surprising how often this is forgotten!
End with a promise about your future together, your goals and aspirations as a couple, and affirm your unwavering support for when times get rough
If you are still struggling, AI websites can be a great place to get your thoughts organised
Get feedback
A couple of weeks out from the ceremony, get a friend, family member, or your celebrant to review your vows. They can provide feedback on the format, tone, and length, ensuring consistency, and advising if any adjustments are needed.
Practice, practice, practice!
Practicing your vows is important to ensure you feel comfortable and confident on your big day. Practice speaking clearly, either alone or in front of a trusted friend. Remember to include pauses, and allow time for emotional reactions.
Consider how you will deliver your vows. While you can repeat them after the celebrant, personalised vows often sound better when spoken directly. You do not need to memorise them, reading from the celebrants ceremony or bringing your own cue cards works just as well. If you choose cue cards, ensure someone has a back up incase they get misplaced. A good tip is to print the vows on pale coloured paper (not white), to reduce the glare on a bright day, making them easier to read.
If you are nervous public speaking, remember, while it is nice for the audience to hear your vows, you are really speaking to your partner. If you want to share personalised vows, but would prefer not to do so in front of the audience, consider taking a quiet moment later to read them to each other privately.
